Monster Media 1994 #2/Monster Media No. 2 (Monster Media)(1994).ISO/text/bbessays.zip/ESSAY_07.TXT

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        BPS Newsletter Cover Essay #7 (Summer-Fall 1987)


                     TAKING STOCK OF ONESELF

                        by Bhikkhu Bodhi




   Though in principle the Buddhist path leads straight and unerringly
   from bondage to freedom, when we apply it to ourselves it often seems
   to take a tortuous route as imposed by the twists and turns of our
   own contorted mental topography. Unless we have exceptionally mature
   wholesome roots, we cannot expect to approach the goal "as the crow
   flies," soaring unhindered through the quick and blissful skyways of
   the jhanas and higher insights. Instead we must be prepared to tread
   the path at ground level, moving slowly, steadily and cautiously
   through the winding mountain roads of our own minds. We begin at the
   inevitable point of departure -- with the unique constellation of
   personal qualities, habits and potentials that we bring with us into
   the practice. Our ingrained defilements and obstinate delusions, as
   well as our hidden reserves of goodness, inner strength and wisdom --
   these are at once the material out of which the practice is forged,
   the terrain to be passed through, and the vehicle that takes us to
   our destination.

   Confidence in the Buddhist path is a prerequisite for persisting on
   this journey. Yet it often happens that though we may be fully
   convinced of the liberating efficacy of the Dhamma, we stumble along
   perplexed as to how we can apply the Dhamma fruitfully to ourselves.
   One major step towards reaping the benefits of Dhamma practice
   consists in making an honest assessment of one's own character. If we
   are to utilize effectively the methods the Buddha has taught for
   overcoming the mind's defilements, we first must take stock of those
   particular defilements that are prevalent in our individual makeup.
   It will not suffice for us to sit back and console ourselves with the
   thought that the path leads infallibly to the end of greed, hate and
   delusion. For the path to be effective in our own practice, we have
   to become familiar with our own persistent greeds, hates and
   delusions as they crop up in the round of daily life. Without this
   honest confrontation with ourselves, all our other pursuits of Dhamma
   may be to no avail and can actually lead us astray. Though we may
   gain extensive knowledge of the Buddhist scriptures, clarify our view
   and sharpen our powers of thought, invest so many hours on the
   meditation cushion and walkway, if we do not attend to the blemishes
   in our characters, these other achievements, far from extricating the
   defilements, may instead only go to reinforce them.

   Yet, though honest self-assessment is one of the most vital steps in
   Dhamma practice, it is also one of the most difficult. What makes it
   so difficult is the radically new perspective that must be adopted to
   undertake an investigation of oneself and the dense barriers that
   must be penetrated to arrive at truthful self-understanding. In
   attempting to assess ourselves we are no longer observing an external
   entity which we can treat as an adventitious object to be evaluated
   in terms of our subjective purposes. We are observing instead the
   seat of observation itself, that most elusive center from which we
   gaze out upon the world, and we are doing so in a mode which casts
   all its motives and projects in a critical light. To enter this
   domain of inquiry is to run smack up against our very sense of
   personal identity, and thus to have to pierce the thick screens of
   delusion and blind emotivity which keep that sense of identity
   intact.

   Normally, in subservience to our need to confirm to ourselves our
   uniqueness and irreplaceable importance, we proceed to construct
   mental pictures -- indeed, a picture gallery -- of what we imagine
   ourselves to be. The self-image that emerges from these pictures
   becomes simultaneously a mainstay which we cling to in order to
   maintain our self-esteem and a standpoint from which we orient
   ourselves towards others and launch our projects in the world. To
   secure its tenuous status the mind employs a variety of tactics
   "behind the back" of our conscious awareness. It throws up blinders
   which keep out disturbing information, it flatters us with fantasied
   projections, it drives us to manipulate people and situations in ways
   that will seem to validate our tacit assumptions about our virtues
   and identity.

   All these projects born of the quest to substantiate our sense of
   identity only increase our suffering. The more we lock ourselves into
   the images we form of ourselves, the more we alienate ourselves from
   others and close off our access to liberating truth. Thence release
   from suffering requires that we gradually discard our delusive
   self-images through rigorous examination of our minds.

   The venerable Sariputta, in the Discourse on No Blemishes (Majjh. 5),
   stresses the role of honest self-assessment as a prerequisite of
   spiritual growth. He points out that just as a dirty bronze bowl,
   deposited in a dusty place and utterly neglected, only becomes
   dirtier and dustier, so if we fail to recognize the blemishes of our
   minds we will not make any effort to eliminate them, but will
   continue to harbor greed, hate and delusion and will die with a
   corrupted mind. And just as a dirty bronze bowl which is cleaned and
   polished will in time become bright and radiant, so if we recognize
   the blemishes of our minds we will arouse our energy to purify them,
   and having purged ourselves of blemishes we will die with an
   undefiled mind. The task of self-knowledge is always a difficult one,
   but it is only by knowing our minds that we will be able to shape
   them, and it is only by shaping our minds that we can liberate them.

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